After The Reshuffle; Brown Cabinet Of Horror

P.M. 'two homes' Brown
* Deputy Baron 'two resignations' Mandleson still Minister of (Corruption)Industry
* Treasury still 'two homes' Darling
* Foreign still David 'Kashmir' Miliband
* Home is now 'future leader' Alan Johnson
* Health is now I've not read the report' Andy Burnham
* Glenys 'nepotism' Kinnock Minister for (window dressing) Europe
* Peter Hain is Minister for Incompetence
* Bob Ainsworth 'voted to keep their expense details secret' becomes defence secretary
* John Denham is Communities Secretary (he once resigned in protest over the Iraq war!) as Geoff Hoon who was Defence Secretary in the Iraq war departs.
* Yvette Cooper is expected to replace Mr Purnell as work and pensions secretary


After being snubbed for a promotion, Caroline Flint, the Europe Minister, delivered the most personal attack yet on the beleaguered Prime Minister, accusing him of using her as "female window dressing" and of operating a "two-tier Government"."It seems Caroline Flint is great friends with Communities Secretary Hazel Blears and Home Secretary Jacqui Smith. She said “Several of the women attending Cabinet – myself included – have been treated by you as little more than female window dressing."

Geoff Hoon, John Hutton, Paul Murphy, Margaret Beckett and Tony McNulty have all quit the Government. They followed Jacqui Smith, Hazel Blears, Mr Purnell and Beverley Hughes out of the exit door.

Mr Brown was forced to retreat from his plan to sack Alistair Darling, the Chancellor, instead keeping him and Foreign Secretary David Miliband in their posts, promoting leadership rival Alan Johnson to the Home Office and effectively making Peter Mandelson deputy Prime Minister.

James Purnell quit as work and pensions secretary with a call for the PM to "stand aside" to prevent Labour defeat at the next election.

House Of Lords (unable to be questioned directly by MPs) are
Lord Adonis has been promoted to Transport Secretary.
Baroness Royall, the Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster,
Lord Malloch-Brown, a minister in the Foreign and Commonwealth Office,
Lord Drayson, the Business, Innovation and Skills Minister, and
Baroness Scotland, the Attorney General.

Breaking News
Baron Mandelson does not believe Gordon Brown can win a general election, according to leaked emails!